The GreenFly Exposes: Green Hypocrites! Do You Know Any?

On today’s episode of “Whaaaa?!?!”, we introduce GREEN; NOT GREEN!

Let’s begin, shall we?

Green!

Not Green.

Green!

Not Green.

Green!

Not Green.

That last one may come as a surprise to some of you. After all, do a search on “organic bamboo clothing” and you only get a bazillion results from websites touting their “all natural” products. Before you shell out fifty bucks for that so-called eco-friendly pair of bamboo tube socks, learn the truth about bamboo at Veggie Revolution. And I quote:

” . . . rendering bamboo from a plant to a yarn is a chemical process, the same process for conventional rayon. It’s highly polluting, involving hydrogen disulfide emissions. Rayon and bamboo are ‘regenerated cellulose’ fibers and are man-made. Most marketing touts bamboo as a natural fiber. That’s true for bamboo hardwood floors but not for textiles.”

So where can you buy real green/eco-friendly/organic products?

Well, you can buy organic cotton shirts from Green Fly Shop of course, but the owners of our site have recently launched another website, New Terra Living where you can buy all kinds of green stuff, from Dr. Bronner products to yoga skorts.

Leafygreen.info is another good site that gives “Green Product Reviews for a Green World.”

Know of any other green hypocrites? We’d love to hear about them so we can put the worst one up for Maggot of the Month!

P.S. Don’t forget that the deadline to make suggestions to one of the biggest sheisters of them all, TVA, is August 15th. If you haven’t done that yet, get on it!

The Fly

The Way to Music Stardom: An Electric Car? Maybe. The Bus? Oh, Yeah Baby!

A recent article in The Tennessean claims that 5,000 Nissan plug-in electric vehicles are expected to hit the market in the fall of 2010. The Electric Transportation Engineering Corp. has a deal with Nissan to provide private and public charging stations in Knoxville, Chattanooga and Nashville, Tn, San Diego, Ca., Seattle,Wa., Phoenix and Tucson, Az., and the Oregon cities of Eugene, Corvallis, Salem and Portland.

For those states that don’t rely mostly on coal for power, this might be an eco-friendly move. Unfortunately, coal is the source of 63.3% of Tennessee’s electric energy. (30.2% is nuclear power.)

Tenn. governer Phil Bredesen has high hopes for the electric cars. A quote from the Tennessean article:

“For Tennessee, investing in electric vehicle technology is not only about doing the right thing for the environment . . . It’s also about creating jobs and strengthening our economy.”

Creating jobs? Sure. Strengthening the economy? Maybe. Doing the right thing for the environment? Hmmm. What about rolling out a new line of biodiesel cars?

What are your thoughts on electric vehicles?

The good news is that folks in Nashville who are looking to save money AND help the environment can ride the bus – and maybe even get an autograph from the driver while they’re at it! That’s right. Nashville’s own Jack White (The Raconteurs, White Stripes and Dead Weather) is “making rockstars out of MTA” (metro transit authority.) Jack White’s label, Third Man Records, is releasing a single by the group “Transit”, whose members are all Nashville MTA employees. Third Man started taking orders for the single on August 5th. You can buy the single and plenty of other cool stuff on their website: http://www.thirdmanrecords.com/store.html

Also, you might recall my previous post where I urged you guys to send in ideas to TVA for alternative energy sources in Tennessee. The deadline is August 15th, so if you haven’t done so already, get on that!  http://www.tva.gov/environment/reports/irp/

The Fly

It’s Better Than Bad – It’s Good!

Who says the GreenFly doesn’t enjoy a guffaw or two!  Turn off your TV’s and check out our new YouTube channel! http://www.youtube.com/theflyATgreenflyshop

Hilarious videos including: “How We Can Make the War in Iraq More Eco-Friendly”, “Spiders on Drugs” and “F*ck the Earth Day”.  Share them with your Hummer-driving neighbors! Once they start laughing, you can sucker punch ‘em for NOT recycling! Makes me think of our great shirt “I’m Green I Will Kick Your Ass”! Mmmm, good ole’ quality time.

Inspired to make a video of your own? Send it to us at thefly@greenflyshop.com

We love to laugh as much as the next fly. Send us links to your favorite green videos if you got ‘em.

The Fly

P.S. We’ve also got some informative videos on the TVA Coal Ash Environmental Disaster including: “TVA lies about cleanup in Kingston from ash sludge distaste”and “Erin Brokovich on the TVA ash spill”!

TVA Really Producing High Quality Sunblock for all Southeasterners; Electricity Generation Just “Nice-to-Have”

More about TENNESSEE VALLEY AUTHORITY’S KINGSTON COAL ASH SPILL- (Hey TVA! How’s the view from your sphincter?)

I would never call the huge TVA  coal ash spill a “blessing in disguise” or any crap like that, but I will say that it’s about time TVA was brought under the microscope. As our fav author Willie Shakes might say: Oh, TVA, why doth you sucketh so much?

A recent AP article by Duncan Mansfield that ran in the Tennessean had some pretty eye-opening observations about TVA’s standard operating procedures . . . or lack thereof. The observations are based on the MCKENNA LONG & ALDRIDGE LLP’s factual report, the conclusions of which TVA’s CEO and President Tom Kilgore called “tough medicine.”

“The TVA did not have any standard procedures regarding operation and maintenance of wet-ash ponds and didn’t put a priority on preventing spills or accidents.  . . . Standard systems and controls for monitoring and evaluating risks that one would expect to see were never installed. TVA also failed to ensure standard training for engineers who inspect such operations.”

Ouch, TVA. I guess that’s why it took you four months to start Phase 1 of cleaning up your disaster?

And now you’re asking the public to send in ideas for alternatives for meeting the future electrical energy needs of the Tennessee Valley? Allow me to play messenger and submit a comment from a dear friend of mine.

Dear TVA,

Here’s an idea. I have lots of power and I’ll let you use it. For free. And you can rent your smoke stacks out as climbing walls. Get back to me when you get your head out of your @$$.

<3 The Sun

source:sciencechicagoblog.wordpress.com

(Feel free to send in your own suggestions. The deadline is August 14, 2009.)

The good news is that with all of the money TVA is saving by not paying for expert advice on alternative energy sources, they might be able to pay for some of those medical costs that residents near the disaster area are racking up.

The Fly

Nuclear Energy Still Sucks – Even With a Scottish Accent!

In honor of the 138th Open Championship held this past weekend in Ayshire, Scotland, The Fly enters the Fray About Nuclear Energy – with a Scottish brogue and the perfect sunglasses!

So now in the name of those two hallowed political phrases: “job creation” and “energy independence”, the infamous “they” are trying to make nuclear energy generation all warm and fuzzy like, I dunno, a killer rabbit maybe?

As our favorite Scotsmen might say while staggering back from a celebratory pint or five after kicking some nine-iron ass on the greens at Turnberry, that’s Fookin’ Shite, Brotha’! (trans: f@%$%ing sh*^*t brother!)

Of course, no course of action (or inaction) is risk free – as our dear, green expert Steve Colbert expertly reports here about why the earth is really heating up.

The truth is that just like a free lunch or the Easter Bunny, there is no easy answer. But not all risks are created equal. Here’s a quick history lesson for the uninformed.

First: April 26, 1986 – The Chernobyl nuclear power plant explodes, releasing 100 times more radiation than the atom bombs dropped over Hiroshima and Nagasaki. This means millions of people had to relocate because the surrounding area was no longer livable. The soil and water were deemed toxic and, to this day, nothing can be grown in the surrounding area. Local and worldwide effects of the explosion include long-term health issues (think cancer caused by radiation exposure) as well as agricultural and population issues. Another report done by Greenpeace is entitled “An American Chernobyl?” and talks about how we have already come “uncomfortably close” to a Chernobyl here in America, documenting many near-misses that could have been catastrophes. The point? We are not infallible creatures. And big risks, such as building more nuclear power plants and depending on those plants for “clean energy”, only need one mistake to make a huge and terrible impact on millions of people (and flies too!)

Our second history lesson happened this past Dec 22, 2008 – The giant TVA coal ash spill near Kingston, TN where 5.4 MILLION cubic yards of toxic coal ash spilled when the retaining wall of an ash pond gave way. TVA stands for Tennessee Valley Authority, but we like to think of them as Totally Vain Administrators. TVA uses coal-burning plants to generate energy for much of the southeastern US. At some point, someone thought that a coal-burning plant was a good idea. The New York Times called it an “environmental disaster of epic proportions,” described by many as “the worst man made environmental disaster since Chernobyl.”

A near-by resident interviewed in the article says, “It was nice that they came by to talk to us. They’re making an effort. But what upsets me is they didn’t have a plan in place. Why hadn’t anybody thought, ‘What happens if this thing bursts?”

Back to the idea that all risk is not created equal. Let’s say that the stupid TVA put up solar panels on 10% of the homes in Nashville and a tornado took out 10% of them. The resulting effect is minimal – there’s no radiation spilling into your meat ‘n’ three; and, if the grid is redesigned to mimic the Internet, then the system would still be working the same way the wonderful Internet does – because there would be so much redundancy, the knockout of any single node would not result in a blackout.

But if TVA builds a nuclear power plant and a tornado takes that out, well let’s just say we’ll need to redesign bras and jock straps to accommodate the extra lobes and globes. And that ain’t right!

Btw, it’s not like we don’t have better alternatives – check out Katherine Hamnett’s excellent treatise on concentrated solar power.

The Fly holds Katherine in a particular esteem – we wear her sunglasses all the time . . . even outside

Round up the PVC Novelty (aka Sex Toy) Executives and Shoot Them Full o’ Pthalates

In the spirit of The Fly’s Patron Saint, George Carlin (may he RIP), sex toys should be sick, not make you sick.*

The next time you get ready to snuggle up to your favorite purple porpoise for priapic pleasure, pause before you light your scented candles and take a deep breath. Assuming that your climax-cuddle-bunny is clean, we’re gonna wager that what you’re smelling is something like the brand-new vinyl shower curtain stench. We hate to ruin the mood, but there’s dirty, and then there’s downright dangerous. Most of your popular (and more affordable) sex toys are composed of a reeking combo of PVC, phthalates and paraben. These are the same toxic chemicals that were found in the huge number of children’s toys that Congress banned the sale of earlier this year. Check out the excellent investigative reporting on the risks of phthalates and what alternatives are available.

Full Disclosure: The Fly is still pissed that most of the phthalate research was done on animals.

If it were up to us we’d round up all these sex toy importers and give them a prostate exam with a plunger!

The Fly

*You can prick your finger, but you can’t finger your prick!”–G. Carlin

Citizens Claim RecyleBank Not Good Enough

The Fly Responds with 20% Off All Shirts!

In recent news, a program called RecycleBank has been created to reward members who use their new weight-calculating recycle bins with points that can later be redeemed for more junk.

In related news, I created a program called “Recycle,Bitch!” where members continue recycling in regular green bins just to spite RecycleBank. We will not be coddled with a feeble point system.

Instead, we will act like true Americans and hold out for cold, hard cash; or in this case 20% off all shirts for a limited time.

In more related news, does anyone have $20 I can borrow?

The Fly

The Truth About the Great Pacific Garbage Patch

So a buddy of mine calls me up the other day on my flyphone to tell me all about the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

“It’s like an island of trash in the ocean. Supposed to be twice the size of Texas! An island! Give it a year and BAM! Starbucks and Walmart are gonna put down roots right in the middle of the Pacific.”

I knew the answers but god help me, I had to ask him anyway. “An island? So we could see it from Google Earth? Or take a boat out to this garbage patch and play hacky-sac with someone’s old water bottle?”

” Um . . . maybe you didn’t hear me,” he said. “You could put a Starbucks on it.”

Far away, on Planet B, little green men are crowding around a laptop in Starflux, watching footage via satellite of me and my friend and this ridiculous conversation. They are laughing. And pointing. Laughing and pointing and holding their jiggling alien bellies. In my mind, a very smug and cranky alien (ol’ Douchey McDouchebag) snarls and says, “One day those dumb earthlings are gonna blow themselves up. Thank Flod we got Michael Jackson out in time. All we need now is Chuck Norris.”

First of all, my friend isn’t stupid. People do this all the time. They see a catchy headline and fill in their own details before telling someone else about it. Or, worse, they DO bother getting the details but their crappy media source glosses over the truth and fills in the rest with unnecessary crap.

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch is not a “Patch” or an “Island”, as many headlines claim. You can’t see it from Google Earth. We can’t sink it or collect it in a giant net and pull it out of the ocean. I mean, Chuck Norris could, but he’s busy slamming revolving doors and throwing random children into the sun. You could search all over the internet to find out the truth about the garbage patch or you could just see it right here:

See the blog post. (But come right back.)

So that’s it. Plastic in the Pacific Ocean has photodegraded, breaking down into smaller and smaller bits, making the North Pacific Subtropical Gyre look like a kaleidoscope of garbage. These small bits of plastic are easily ingested by birds and aquatic life. Sure, you could recycle more plastic or spread the word so your friends will, or – if you’re feeling lazy -you could pull a David de Rothschild and build a 60 foot ship out of 10,000 empty 2-liter plastic soda bottles and sail it 12,000 miles from San Fransisco to Sydney. Which means, one of the areas that the ship will pass through is the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.

Slacker De Rothschild is calling this voyage the “Plastiki Expedition” and will be partnering up with plenty of scientists and storytellers, one of whom is environmental scientist Josian Heyerdahl, granddaughter of Thor Heyerdahl, who pulled off the Kon-Tiki expedition. (Which was okay if you think that redefining the way the world views exploration is a big deal.) De Rothschild and other members of his crew hope that the Plastiki Expedition will be as inspiring, and that it will call the world’s attention to the ways in which we view waste and use plastic. (SPOILER ALERT: We have room for improvement.)

Deals and Dirt: What Happens to Our Garbage?

Ahem. On July 4th we’ll be having a 25% off sale on all of our shirts. Just use your greedy little paws to enter the discount code 1776. You’re welcome.

Now for the real dirt.

You might want to sit down.

I recently decided to ask people if they knew what happened to their garbage after it got tossed in the trash can. My quest began with my 42 year old neighbor, who claimed that the Garbage Fairy was responsible for cleaning up after us. She managed to explain this idea to me between swigs of Long Island Iced Tea.

“The magical Garbage Fairy is kin to (hic) the Recycling Fairy, you know? She arrives on garbage day in her enchanted garbage truck once a week and empties my trash cans. Then she totes my old plastic bags and egg cartons off to her (hic) secret lair. Who knows where she hides her treasures or what crazy uses she has for them? I once left a note in my trash can with the suggestion that she use them to build a (hic) quieter vehicle, but the sly gal never answered. C’est la vie. In the end, she’s happy; I’m happy – it’s a beautiful relationship.”

Right. After I left her house I called my Dad to ask him the same thing and, let’s face it, to make fun of my neighbor.

“Isn’t that the most pathetic thing you’ve ever heard, Dad?”
“Hmmm?”
“Dad. You do know where your garbage goes after you’re done with it, right?”
“Oh yeah, yeah. In the trash can.”
“But after that. After it’s picked up.”
“. . . by the Garbage Fairy?”
“Are you fucking with me?”
“ (hic)”

That’s it.  I’d ask the rest of you in person but I’ve lost all hope in humanity. Redeem it, please.

The amount of things getting thrown away every day that could be recycled is insane. One of our fans obviously feels the same way, and has sent in a photo of herself wearing our “WTF? Recycle Already!” shirt.

Thanks for the love. Send in your own photos, videos or links that you want us to check out and we’ll reward you with a claim to fame right here.

Coming soon: More garbage and we give you dirt about inspiring people who are living green in unbelievably EXTREME ways.

Here’s to being trashy in the best way possible,
The Fly

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GreenFlyShop Launching!

New roommate moved in

She’s all earth-mothered out with long, flowing hair and patchwork skirts. This is what I’m up against. People see her and roll their eyes before she can speak. “Here comes Crunchy,” they mutter, “quick, hide your hummus.”

First day I catch her eyeing my trashcan, preparing her Lavender lotioned fingers for a quick rifling. “What are you doing?” She doesn’t even have the decency to lie. “Looking for recyclables. I figured you don’t… you know… but… it’s really important to me. I just…” she sighs here and beams with smugness, “I just really really love our planet, you know?”

I do know. I love it to. I have a recycling bin. I wear Certified Fair Trade organic shirts.  So what if I wear them with jeans every day and don’t go out in my front yard and hug the Maple every night before bed? I’m fed up with people assuming that because I don’t have dreadlocks or wear I ♥ our Planet shirts, I’m obviously on my way to buying a Hummer and bulldozing the Rainforest for my own personal playground.

This week I’m printing out the following flyer and leaving it as a surprise for her in my trashcan. Hey, Crunchy, if you don’t have room in your bin for it, you know where else you can shove it.

What’s so cool about green flies?

“The name green bottle fly (or greenbottle fly) is applied to numerous species of blowfly… The maggots of this fly are known to… consume dead tissue while leaving live tissue intact, and have been sold for use in maggot therapy.” (Read More Here.)

Maggots clean wounds 18 times faster than normal treatments, can conquer MRSA and would save the NHS millions. Peta Bee reports (See the full article at Times Online.)

(My original photo of real maggots was deemed too gross for the public. O RLY?  A quick Google search of “cute maggots” fixed that. Wah-lah. Nothing cuter than jelly maggots! Amiright?)

For those of you who don’t want to read the full articles,  Green Bottle fly larvae have been used medicinally worldwide. Packed into wounds to seek out dead flesh and tissue and eat it, the larvae leave only pink, healthy flesh behind.

Wow, right?  Way to go, Nature.

If you don’t see the metaphorical link between the way Nature recycles and the name of our site, let me clarify. The secret lies in the photo of the jelly maggots. For the rest of you, if you have a cool recycling tip you want to share, send in your idea with a photo of you wearing one of our shirts and we’ll be sure to include it in our next blog.

Also, you’ll notice that we have a forum on our website because we want to know what your likes and dislikes are. (Preferably pertaining to the site. We already know that you like dancing to Michael Jackson when you think no one else is home.) Tell us what works and what doesn’t. Tell us which designs you love and which ones reek of awfulness. Don’t be a pansy, you won’t hurt our feelings. Help us help you. Our aim is to keep you around like flies on shi beer.

Are you in a band and need merch shirts? A local designer that wants your work on our site? Do you have questions, comments, suggestions, love letters, fan-mail, hate-mail?  Send it to: thefly@greenflyshop.com.

And just because we care: Bacon Waffles!!

The Fly